What's Wrong With This Baby?

Meet one of the new babies of St. Croix #4. This precious baby, half St. Croix, half Katahdin, was born yesterday, and his mama, #4, rejected him. I'm not sure why ... but it was the second time this has happened with this ewe. She rejected a lamb last summer, as well. (The little lamb pictured elsewhere on this blog, with Acey.)

This little brown and white cutie was outside of the electric fence when I found him yesterday. It could be he tumbled out by accident, and then couldn't get back in, and perhaps stood outside while his mama continued to bond with her other baby. By the time I'd found him, she was having nothing to do with him. I had to tie her to a post and hold up one of her legs just to let him nurse!

After he'd had his fill, I ran home and put a post on Craig's List. Ran back to see if I could help him nurse some more and by then my phone was ringing, and it wasn't an hour before a gentleman and his two children came to get the little guy. They have a petting zoo of sorts, and like to get babies young and bottle raise them with their children so they'll be tame for visitors.

I simply didn't have time to bottle feed him or force his mom to nurse him every few hours.

As for #4, she's on borrowed time. Three strikes and you're out. If it were not for the fact that she's successfully raised twins twice before, I'd only give her two strikes! She's a good mama to the ones she mothers, and its possible the separation played a big part in her rejecting this one.

One thing is for certain, next time she's close to lambing, she goes into the smaller pen she goes, where she cannot help but bond with her baby.

I mean honestly, who could not love this face?

Sakari

This is my next door neighbor, Melanie's dog, Sakari. We kept her for ten days when Melanie went to California and back, and she loves us to pieces, and we, her, probably much to Melanie's chagrin, who has a hard time competing for her own dog's affection when she is living with my mother-in-law most of the month, and Sakari stays home in a dog pen, alone.

I told the story of how Sakari came to be with us now, here: www.aproposaussies.blogspot.com, (you guys know about that blog, but the folks over there do NOT know about this one, and that's just fine, I like it that way).

This is a photograph that I took using natural light from the window, of Sakari, this afternoon. The reason I'm posting it here and not there, is because I think I will have it printed and framed, and give it to Melanie for her birthday present, come March.

I'm hoping for opinions ... do you like this? Or not. And if not, what does it still need?

Escapism and Reality

For twenty years I have had a view of pastures, trees and sky out both my front and back windows, views for which I have often (but not nearly often enough) given thanks. The sky and the fields ... they are a redeeming grace that I never take for granted. That I have sheep and ducks and chickens and guineas on these pastures, simple animals who live simply as animals have always lived ... is a miracle to me. These animals know nothing of stress. They are innocent, interested and interesting, humble, unassuming. (Well, maybe not unassuming, they assume a lot about what's in the buckets I carry!) But they reduce me to an uncommon denominator, one not complex and worry laden, but elemental, one that includes only the air moving the grasses, liquid eyes, sweet breath, food, water, trust, the basic fundamentals of life.

I am so blessed.

On Friday of this week my mother-in-law will have to go back before the clerk of Superior Court for a "competency" hearing. Is she competent? No. And it is humiliating to her, and demeaning, to have to go through this, this ... what do I call it? An ordeal. An ugly, twisted mess of misunderstanding, conjecture, unfounded suspicion and more.

My escapism has mounted extreme heights this week, lol. I've moved beyond sheep breath to the harder stuff.

For one thing, I've been on a cleaning binge. I used to do this in the early years of our marriage, as a coping mechanism for both anger and stress. I've mellowed as the years have gone by, (and my house shows it, lol!) I've cleaned to the point this week that I've reached my cabinets (see my earlier post where I lined one with fabric!).

Another escape has been a series of John Wayne movies that were recorded from AMC a couple of weeks ago. I've been immersed in them. They are just my speed ... full of animals and life from simpler times, and the good guys always win. Tonight we watched The Dark Command, which was the earliest John Wayne movie I have ever seen. As the plot unfolded, there were instances of misunderstanding, deceit, and intrigue that just POPPED out at me as if I'd been given a filter with which to see them, the filter being all that we've been enduring in real life. The twists and turns of the movie's plot seemed more than just plausable (which is all fiction requires) ... they were POSSIBLE, they held the potential to be real, genuinely real, and I saw this solely because we've been living something similar. I hope I'm making sense here, and if you don't understand what I'm trying to say, it's OK ... I hope you never do!

Ned says that people do what they do based upon their presuppositions ... what they deep down believe is true ... and that circumstances brings their beliefs to light. This is SO TRUE!!!

When someone believes they've been deprived of something that was their right, they believe themselves justified in doing whatever is necessary to get what they want, moral or immoral, legal or not. If you think you are better than other people, this belief will govern your behavior. Thankfully, this doesn't always function negatively. When you love another person, your behavior will be sacrificial towards him, you will honor him with your words and your actions. The person who values kindness will be kind. He who values generosity will be generous. The one to whom truth matters is honest.

I value truth, kindness, simplicity, peace. I avoid confrontation, but I am finding, not (as I once would have said) at all costs. No one detests and abhors confrontation more than I do, but I am have found the ground upon which I will stand. I will not abandon my mother-in-law or my husband in their time of need. I would rather take a beating than go to court on Friday, but I am going. I will go praying, with my head held high and peace in my heart, for I my prayer is simply that the Lord's will be done, and I trust in His plan and His purposes even when they bewilder me. I also pray my husband will keep his temper, not get sick, be eloquent and vindicated. And I pray a legion of angels will surround my mother in law and protect her and provide for HER needs.

How thankful I am for truth:

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

and
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Phillipians 4:13

I spent much of Sunday ...

watching these guys (or girls?!) hatch ....

How to Spend a Saturday

I get to where I just wander from project to project.

I woke up this morning, made a pot of coffee, and had every intention of sitting down and writing in my journal, which I've forgotten once or twice over Christmas. But I sat down at the computer to check my email and somehow found myself deciding, instead, to write Sally a letter the old-fashioned way, by hand. However, I didn't have any stationary that suited me, so the next I knew, I was making snowflake stationary in Photoshop. (It's very pretty!) And from there I decided to take photographs of my dirty and cluttered house, so I could send them with the letter I was going to write to Sally so she would know how much I loved her since I was going to write to her instead of clean my house. Somehow, after taking the photographs, I became determined to clean first and write later, so I started in on the living room, and swept the floors, and then got a bucket of hot water and cleaner and cleaned the dusty wood stove since it was warm enough today to not be using it. And then I cleaned the hearth, and vacuumed the rugs. Next, I came into the kitchen, started cleaning that and noticed how jumbled and topsy turvy my appliance cabinet had become. The next thing I knew, I'd taken all of the stuff out of it and sprayed and wiped it clean, too. Then I thought about what a shame it is that I didn't have any shelf paper to line it with ... I've always meant to do that. And I remembered how much extra fabric I have, and so I got to measuring and cutting and stitching on the sewing machine and now that it's almost midnight, I've got a really nice cabinet all sorted out with orderly appliances and fabric velcroed to the floor of the cabinet and to the shelf BUT ... I haven't even started my letter to Sally on my nice new pretty stationary! ARRGHHH!

Does this happen to you, too? Or is it just me?

My Woe is Me Story

As is the case with many in America at this time, my family has been going through some trying times. I read on a news website recently that one in ten home owners is currently in foreclosure. Thankfully, we are not at that point, but we have had some tough times financially of late. We have been self-employed for twenty some years with a small, full service photography and portrait studio. And while some people might value a family portrait more than they might items purchased from a department store, it still boils down to the fact that our necessary income is dependent upon other people's discretionary income. And that can be scary. We have debts. And obligations. And needs.

A year ago we listed forty acres of our farm for sale with the hopes of largely paying out of debt. After almost a year on the market, we have not received a single offer. The year is drawing to a close, and we are faced with paying a large end of the year interest payment, which is considerably more money than we have in the bank at this time. Ned has been scouting around for what he might sell to raise the money ... looking at the four wheelers the kids no longer ride, a tractor that he is loath to part with but which he could sell, etc. Christmas is upon us and business is way down in our studio.

It's frightening. As a Christian, I walk by faith and not by sight. But I want to walk by sight right now! I want to know where the money to pay next month's bills is coming from! I want to know that I will be able to continue my small hobby of dog obedience training, which gives me so much delight. I train and show competitively ... the competition is the independent confirmation of one's progress, and competitions cost money ... not a lot, but they are an expense.

The Bible teaches us in Matthew 6 "....O you of little faith ... do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear'? For the Gentiles seek after these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is it's own trouble." Matthew 6:30b-34

Also, Psalm 37:4 says, "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart."

I know the truth of these scriptures. But that did not stop me from having an absolute meltdown last Thursday. Perhaps it was PMS. Or perhaps, as a friend suggested, it was "the change" ... as a fifty year old woman, it's hard to tell sometimes ... I've never had a hot flash but sometimes I feel PMSy for "no reason" . This was definitely one of those times. The problems of recent weeks and months ... everything from my distress over the nation's elections, the economy, our personal economic concerns, plus a couple of family situations ... one distressingly sordid and divisive one in Ned's family and another concerning the health of my mother, who has cancer, problems in our church ... (see what I mean? I'll bet YOU'RE depressed already!) ... it all added up on me and then seemed larger than life. One of my favorite scriptures has always been Psalm 127:2 "It is vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil, for he gives to his beloved sleep." I generally sleep well and never have bad dreams. But the constant stress I've been feeling had me waking in the night, unable to go back to sleep, and when I did sleep, dreaming complicated, problem fraught dreams that had me, even in sleep, trying to constantly fix things, and make solutions happen. I've been waking with headaches.

By that night, I had reached the point of feeling depressed, paralyzed. I did not know what to do but it seemed urgent that I solve the problems of the world immediately! Doom was imminent, woe was me! I had tried to "explain" how I felt to Ned until he ran out of words with which to reassure me that God was still in control. Unfortunately, sometimes when I don't feel "heard" I will escalate my attempts, and I'd reached the point where I was reaching out into the future, and having to choose between putting my beloved dogs to sleep, or giving them to someone who could afford to feed them. Now that's a pity party! It wasn't pretty. John, my youngest, had realized Mom was really upset, and so I'd retreated to my bathroom where I found myself sitting on the floor (in the dark, mind you, because to turn on the light would cost money), crying. It was around nine forty five or ten o'clock at night.

Ned opens the door, comes in, sits on the floor with me in the dark, holds my hands and prays. He prayed such a beautiful prayer that was so much larger than all of my worst imaginings. He appealed to the Lord for me on my behalf. And then he hugged me, one of those wonderful comfort hugs that carry all the unspoken weight of twenty-five years of being together. And I felt a better. A LOT better. Willing to consider that the world might not end, after all. Wonder of wonders!

The next morning, Ned's cell phone, which he had left on my computer keyboard, rang, and I answered it. It was the Realtor with whom our land is listed. I assumed she wanted to talk with him about renewing our contract as it's been about a year since the land was listed. He was just finishing up shaving, and I took him the phone. A few minutes later he came out of the bathroom with a curious expression on his face. It seems a real estate broker just happened to be driving by last night and saw the For Sale sign, and called the Realtor at home to ask her if we would accept a certain amount per acre lower than the listed price, and if we would deed in access to the county road that has county water available on it. The time when he made the call? Ten o'clock PM. Right when we were sitting together in the dark, praying.

I find that to be absolutely remarkable. I don't believe in coincidences. I have no idea whether or not this will turn into a "real" offer that will miraculously solve all of our financial problems or not (probably not, although it's possible) but what I got out of it was that the Lord was reaching out to say, "Hang in there. I have not forgotten you. I hear your prayers. Everything is going to be OK. I have made a way for you. Trust me." It was reassurance. It was encouragement. It was blessing.

The icing on the cake was to take my dog the morning after that to one of the dog shows I'd been wondering if I could afford, where I won first place in both of the classes I'd entered, both large classes with many other competitors. I was within a point of the coveted High in Trial award. It was as if God was saying, "Hey, and by the way, you can have desire that I put in your heart, too, I didn't give it to you to snatch it away."

Lord help me in my unbelief! Tomorrow is another day. I will roll out of bed, face the day. look forward with hope, and pray with the expectation of a child who knows her Father can fix all that is wrong and fill all of her dreams.

Important to Know

I received some important information today via a short video that was emailed to me. I honestly do not understand how I managed to get through almost fifty years of life without this important "how to" tip. Watch it, and be enlightened!