For twenty years I have had a view of pastures, trees and sky out both my front and back windows, views for which I have often (but not nearly often enough) given thanks. The sky and the fields ... they are a redeeming grace that I never take for granted. That I have sheep and ducks and chickens and guineas on these pastures, simple animals who live simply as animals have always lived ... is a miracle to me. These animals know nothing of stress. They are innocent, interested and interesting, humble, unassuming. (Well, maybe not unassuming, they assume a lot about what's in the buckets I carry!) But they reduce me to an uncommon denominator, one not complex and worry laden, but elemental, one that includes only the air moving the grasses, liquid eyes, sweet breath, food, water, trust, the basic fundamentals of life.
I am so blessed.
On Friday of this week my mother-in-law will have to go back before the clerk of Superior Court for a "competency" hearing. Is she competent? No. And it is humiliating to her, and demeaning, to have to go through this, this ... what do I call it? An ordeal. An ugly, twisted mess of misunderstanding, conjecture, unfounded suspicion and more.
My escapism has mounted extreme heights this week, lol. I've moved beyond sheep breath to the harder stuff.
For one thing, I've been on a cleaning binge. I used to do this in the early years of our marriage, as a coping mechanism for both anger and stress. I've mellowed as the years have gone by, (and my house shows it, lol!) I've cleaned to the point this week that I've reached my cabinets (see my earlier post where I lined one with fabric!).
Another escape has been a series of John Wayne movies that were recorded from AMC a couple of weeks ago. I've been immersed in them. They are just my speed ... full of animals and life from simpler times, and the good guys always win. Tonight we watched The Dark Command, which was the earliest John Wayne movie I have ever seen. As the plot unfolded, there were instances of misunderstanding, deceit, and intrigue that just POPPED out at me as if I'd been given a filter with which to see them, the filter being all that we've been enduring in real life. The twists and turns of the movie's plot seemed more than just plausable (which is all fiction requires) ... they were POSSIBLE, they held the potential to be real, genuinely real, and I saw this solely because we've been living something similar. I hope I'm making sense here, and if you don't understand what I'm trying to say, it's OK ... I hope you never do!
Ned says that people do what they do based upon their presuppositions ... what they deep down believe is true ... and that circumstances brings their beliefs to light. This is SO TRUE!!!
When someone believes they've been deprived of something that was their right, they believe themselves justified in doing whatever is necessary to get what they want, moral or immoral, legal or not. If you think you are better than other people, this belief will govern your behavior. Thankfully, this doesn't always function negatively. When you love another person, your behavior will be sacrificial towards him, you will honor him with your words and your actions. The person who values kindness will be kind. He who values generosity will be generous. The one to whom truth matters is honest.
I value truth, kindness, simplicity, peace. I avoid confrontation, but I am finding, not (as I once would have said) at all costs. No one detests and abhors confrontation more than I do, but I am have found the ground upon which I will stand. I will not abandon my mother-in-law or my husband in their time of need. I would rather take a beating than go to court on Friday, but I am going. I will go praying, with my head held high and peace in my heart, for I my prayer is simply that the Lord's will be done, and I trust in His plan and His purposes even when they bewilder me. I also pray my husband will keep his temper, not get sick, be eloquent and vindicated. And I pray a legion of angels will surround my mother in law and protect her and provide for HER needs.
How thankful I am for truth:
"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28
and
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Phillipians 4:13
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